Find strength in God to endure.

Have you ever feel you're not good enough because of people's expectation in your community around you or what the world standard is? Have you ever contradict God's worth and truth because you feel captive, weeping in spirit and felt away from God when He is actually not? You are in season of change and the same distress and anxious repeating from time to time and felt tired because of it and plea God for freedom. Have you experience that?

I share this good news to you brother and sister in Christ that your suffering has been known by God, your weeping has been heard by God and your silent-tearing prayer has travel to God. God never leaves you and I know this from the bottom of my heart  that "God love you" because I experience those circumstances where I was being judged because i am quiet and gentle, where my indonesian surrounding expect me to be better, dress better and be a better person to be accepted and love and just feel not good enough. But I came to know that God love me as I am and as how He design me. He love me and accepted me unconditionally as said in Jeremiah 31:3 "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness". 

God love you when you're in despair, sorrow, depression, distress, lonely and unwanted. It is His great love that attract you to Him and give strength to rely on Him. God is love. He is the attribute of love. God's mercy is new every morning.

Before I came to Melbourne i didn't understand  fully the meaning of love and how to love. I read bible where it define what love is "patience, kind, does not envy and does not boast....". I thought, in the community i grew up, being introvert and quiet is acceptable and fine but the penalty is misunderstood, judgement and don't have friends and this just wreck you're confidence enough and look pleasure in people's approval and envy with other people blessing (which i quiet struggle with this sometime). There is a wall surround me to trap me in darkness, distress and feels like the end of my rope. I am of tired watching and not doing anything or don't have the chances to do something.  But when I came to Church of Christ God reveals Himself through the people there and lifegroup. He teach me "love" of how it should be, how to love others, His love that forgive me and comfort me and His love that make me want to share this "good news" and "comfort" to other people in Indonesia that feel stuck and useless where society condemn and said who they should be to be love. And show how a body of christ and as a church "should" support and love one another. 

When people said you're not good enough, when society condemn you and despise you and judged you... remember God can use the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, the weak to shame the strong, the lowly things and despise to shame the arrogant people. 

I know how it feels to live in a society where people are faked, people-pleaser, prejudice, judgmental and look down upon.

 I was surprised yesterday that in 1 Peter 3:4 mention God sees quiet and gentle spirit of inner self is a great worth in God's eye rather than beauty from outward appearance. This encourage me because it's true I am gentle and quiet but sometimes I don't like it and rather be confidence and speak more rather than just stay quiet all the time. This is because the standard of how to make friends, how people like smart and strong women and expressive .

 People think you're boring because you're quiet, gentle and introvert and I have been feel and judged that way for a long time but in truth I know how to have fun also.  But God word always remind me that I am a great value, I can be use even though i am young or people judge me because I look younger than my age (1 Tim 4:12), I am a letter from Christ written with Spirit of God in Human Heart not tablet of stone (2 Corinthians 3:3). Therefore God use me regardless of what people says about me, regardless of my look and regardless of everything because my faith and identity is found in God. He is my hope, my friend, my God no other gods and my comfort in Him whom I trust completely for every aspect of my life.

The reason why we went through season of changes and struggles are because God want to use your pain, weakness, agony and insecurity to comfort people in pain, trouble, suffer and distress. How can you say to one another "I understand what you've been through" if you never experiences it? That is a sweet lie and a sting of hypocrisy of friendship. Your suffering is not a waste because God can use it to bless people, give wisdom to the foolish and wise and to show God's glory and change He brought upon you by lifting you up higher and higher. Seek the Kingdom of God (God's reign) and His righteousness over your life in these kind of circumstances.   

But for those who are in present weakness and trouble I want to encourage you even when we are hard-pressed on every side; we are not crushed. troubled but not in despair; persecuted but not abandoned by God; struck down but not destroyed. God is HERE(Now and in the future). Therefore do not lose heart because we are being renew by God inwardly day by day and therefore fix your eyes on what is unseen because it is eternal (that is the promises of God reign for you). 

1 Corinthians 2:9

However, as it is written: "What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived" -- the things God has prepared for those who love him--

You're God chosen people, royal priesthood, a holy nation and God's special possession  and all this for: 

    to proclaim good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

    to proclaim freedom for the captives

    and release from darkness for the prisoners, 

2 

to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor

    and the day of vengeance of our God,

to comfort all who mourn,

3 

    and provide for those who grieve in Zion—

to bestow on them a crown of beauty

    instead of ashes,

the oil of joy

    instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise

    instead of a spirit of despair.

They will be called oaks of righteousness,

    a planting of the Lord

    for the display of his splendor.

Isaiah 61:1-3

God can use you anywhere,anytime,everywhere and everytime whether you are small or big, young or old, wise or fool, weak or strong. Never underestimate the power of God and God design! Don't be arrogant and act you know God and His word just because you're a christian. Cast away those stone heart and let God give you a new heart and spirit and soften it to see the glorious works of God in people and surroundings and understand His wisdom in creation and let Him share the mystery of the world to you that you praise Him for His glorious deeds and reign in the veil and mirror of broken world. 

I will keep on moving and have faith with God in my troubles and sorrow. For I know the journey I went through is not a waste cause' God can use it and most importantly He is always with me and comfort me and doesn't criticize and judge me when I fell into sin again and again but He lifted me up with a helping hand. God doesn't condemn you no more because the price is paid on the Cross where Christ Jesus died! so don't feel condemn anymore and do not worried! I will press on and win this race