God is an author

Life is really a story where it fills your life with adventures. Sometimes are happy moments and sometimes are sad. Our pages filled with detail description of our journey, feelings, thinking, doubts and actions. We have regrets, jealousy and heartache toward people. But what i learn is that God always filled new white pages and not just few or many or enough but very a lot and bundles of it in one book. God is an artist because He write so detail and along the way there is an illustration to illustrate our story. Whether the picture is drawn, painted, graph, sketch, full of charts and tables and mix for God love to describe us in accordance how He made you.

For example, I like picture, cartoons, illustrations and  imagery when i read books. Using visual i can understand more but that doesn't mean i like to read graphs and tables. So I imagine God write my story in very detail description and beautiful illustration which is done whatever ways He want. He can even use a flower as a a pen to write. I mean nothing is impossible to God's imagination.

If I ever take a glimpse of the book He wrote about me there is one thing for sure. I will spend eternity to read it not because its only a lot of pages but it's very  interesting,  touching and intrigue how He tell it and very different from how i tell my own life. There's probably going to be a lot of crying too and just touching moments that take a lot of effort to continue reading the next part without crying more.

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I learn a lot of things from these short 2 week break in Jakarta.  One thing is God knows the plan for me and every day He plan/write about it before i could think of what to do next. There are times I miss Melbourne so much and don't want to go back. Even thinking it right now going back to Jakarta for good is scary and feel hopeless.  There are so many times i cannot apply what i learn in Melbourne to Jakarta because I'm having trouble to love my enemies and listen to my fear and heartache often.

 But what I'm really grateful is that during those times God comfort me in many ways. Such as lifegroup friends who encourage me, comfort me, advice me and ask how am i doing. Though i always whatsapp them a lot of things and they hardly reply because busy but they still try to reply me and encourage me with their kind words. Not only that God bless me with getting new things or allow me to go shopping for fun of it. Also, He most often always remind me to trust in Him more even though I don't  listen to Him because I haven't got the time to catch up but there are just  ways He reminded me. I do still struggle  talking to God whenever i am in Indo but God provide friends to help me overcome my pain and worry and use them to comfort me and encourage me that everything I fear or imagine is not true and day by day He open up my eyes to show  God holds my reality not my fear or myself imagine it to be. He shows how people actually are not according to my judgement or my pasts pain. Yes though they are wrong in what they are doing in the pasts and it hurt me but people change no matter what and to move on from my insecurity i have to acknowledge people do change even though they still treat me or look at me the same, i still have to love them and show kindness to be a Christ like example and woman of God full with faith in tears and joy.

Action speak louder than words. Instead of God change people's heart (those who hurt me) so to change me... He want to change my heart so I can love God, myself and other people. My circumstances doesn't change but my heart does.

These short break in Indo let me experience to face my fear and doubts . And give the pen to God to write my story and beautiful endings.

There will be times i question His plan and feel sad whenever problems occurs but I will just have faith and move on because that's the only thing I can do and have left. I will keep crying out to God and seek Him even when i am angry.

This is a journey and momentum to remember to give God the pen and write it according to His will not mine though I still struggle to do it in certain areas but i will keep trying even when im back to  Indo for summer holiday.